yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
