You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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