Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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