It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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