So drunk its hurt
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
