is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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