Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
