Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Be still, my beating vagina.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All the doctor said was why
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
