You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish my penis had a tongue
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
