This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
