Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
