yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
