I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
