Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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