A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
