I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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