In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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