Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
