I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize