she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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