Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
