Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
