Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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