Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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