yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
