when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
