I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dicks are not precious.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
