I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
