Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
the raccoons are back...
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