Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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