I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
