he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
