If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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