I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize