Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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