i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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