my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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