they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
