What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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