his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
