The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
