We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
