Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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