if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
