More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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