the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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