her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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