Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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