I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There r osticjed everywhere
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
