There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My ATM looks so different sober.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
