i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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