Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
