Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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