When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
