Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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