this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
