Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
