Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found a bag of teeth...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
