i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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