I cockslap morals
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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