i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
