I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
