jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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