I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
