She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
