I'm gonna have a badass scar
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
