So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
