so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
