Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
