Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
