He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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