small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
