You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
