i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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