Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
