i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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