Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
