Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
