His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
