I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
